unexcused absence

Hey There.  No, I haven't given up blogging.  I am just on an unplanned mini-break. 

Here's the deal:
We started trying for a baby in January.  By the end of March I was pregnant.  And nauseous.  And exhausted.  That was the reason for mini-break #1.  Two Sundays ago I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.  That is the reason for mini-break #2.

I have been going back and forth about whether or not I wanted to blog about it.  As I write this I am still unsure as to whether or not I will eventually click on the 'Publish' button.  But I am having bloggers block and feel I need to put this out there and then move on. 

It is not until you have a miscarriage that you find out about everyone else who had one too.  It is just not something that is talked frequently and openly about as it is sad and disappointing and sometimes devastating.  It is physically and emotionally exhausting.  But I guess it is not uncommon.  We take some comfort in knowing that the couples we know that have had miscarriages all have healthy children. But right now I find myself still a bit angry and somewhat jealous of every woman who is pregnant.  Thankfully though, all that is tempered by hope that we'll move forward from this and have a happy outcome the next time.

I watched that program the other night with Michael J. Fox that is a companion to his new book.  I think it was called Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.  He said (and I am totally paraphrasing) that he could focus on the loss (of having Parkinsons) or he could be optimistic that something new will come to fill the hole.  There is a big difference between having Parkinsons and having a miscarriage, but I think what he said holds true for any type or degree of loss that we experience.

Thanks for hanging in there.

Order Antabuse